LeBron James
LeBron Raymone James (born December 30, 1984) is a basketball thug who played for the Cleveland Cavaliers before announcing he was taking his talents to the Miami Heat in the most necessary special event ever. He has almost as many nicknames as Obama including Lequeen, Lebrick, Lebronze and Lewhatever else. He also has frightening parallels to Obama because people think hes "The Chosen One" and literally the Messiah. He makes like 300 million dollars and talks about himself in the third person. He was raised by his mother Gloria and her soulmate Delonte West. Early life Lebron was born in Akron, Ohio. He was named after John Voight's used Chrysler LeBaron in which he was concieved. He cultivated his talents and became a basketball star in high school and by the time he was a sophomore he was already a celebrity in the state, known by everyone in Cleveland, Dayton, Akron etc. After graduating he was chosen with the #1 pick by Cleveland which they had tanked for since James was in 10th grade. Proving the wise words of Dan Gilbert that there are no shortcuts. NBA After James took his talents to the NBA, a new dynasty began. Although a lot of rookies come off the bench to start, Lebron immediately became a league leader in minutes and was getting a lot of PT. Crews or "posses" began to accompany him to games, making him seem like a VIP even before he showed off his skills. He immediately took the league by storm, becoming the most popular superstar and the player everyone wanted to see, bringing record crowds out to the Cavs games. Soon the arguments over who was the best player concluded that James was the best one. One guy who has a problem with that is Kobe Bryant who plays in a different division in the Western conference (Pacific) and therefore only plays James a couple of times a year. But most arguments say that one of those two thugs is the best. With his free agency upcoming in 2010, James said he wants to go somewhere warm. Where the beer flows like wine. Where beautiful women instinktively flock like the salman of cappuccino. Im talking about a little place called Aspen. But they dont have a team so he will was going to become a New yorker like hes always dreamed of. Then he realized that he needed to take his talents to South Beach. So he informed the world that he was doing so in a way that oozed pure class on his live ESPN special The Decision, while being interviewed by the equally classy Jim Grey. Miami then celebrated their winning of the 2010-11 NBA championship. Plot twist, after actually playing the season they ended up losing to Dallas. Mark Cuban then awarded the championship trophy to the original Mavericks owner, Maverick Carter, to thank him for convincing Lebron to join the Heat in the first place thus dooming the Heat to never win a championship. Personal life James is known as King James and he has a royal palace in Cleveland which has a barber shop and a bowling alley. He also has a bunch of tattoos and two adopted children who were sired by Rashard Lewis. And he probably also has many guns. And many talents.